Lost in Transition
by Tazmy
Summary: Change is not always easy, but it is inevitable. Teyla visits the mainland with Elizabeth and Carson.


_Thanks to KodiakBear and Angw for the quick beta. Hope those of you with me on alert don't mind all of these one-shots. I just don't have time to write a whole novel right now!_

* * *

Teyla dons her favorite blue dress before examining herself in the mirror. She smiles sadly at her image, brushing her hair away from her face. "It is what is best for my people," she reassures herself. 

She walks the halls of Atlantis, wondering how the house of the Ancestors has managed to become her own. Only those new to the expedition seem unsure of her presence here. Everyone else on this metal island has come to accept her presence. But while some of them are her surrogate family, the rest are not her people. They are not the reason she remains here. This is not her true home.

Doctors Weir and Beckett are waiting for her in the jumper. She takes a moment to apologize for being late then settles her stuff in the back. She is surprised that John has not found an excuse to accompany her, though she chose a time when she knew he would be busy. Ronon and Rodney had accepted her wishes with some reluctance, but unlike John, she knew that they would respect them.

"_Everything is okay, though?" Rodney asked, a glint of worry hiding in his eyes._

"_Everything is fine. I have been called for a small celebration and I will be back by nightfall."_

_"I see, and that would be why you look so upset and have all week?" His stare pierced through her, especially since she was not expecting the question, though she should have expected the sarcasm._

"_I said everything is fine. Please, may we just leave it at that."_

_Ronon grunted his acceptance. Rodney crossed his arms over his chest, muttering how he was far too busy to go gallivanting about anyway._

Now she is on her way, without her team, and she wonders if she has made the wrong decision in keeping them at bay.

Carson mentions something about how lovely she is, and Elizabeth just smiles a greeting. "You have yet to mention what they are celebrating today," Elizabeth says.

"It does not matter so much as that you are there to witness it, for better relations among our people. I believe the council also has some…wishes…that they would like to share with you in person as well."

She watches Elizabeth glance at her, and returns the look with her own schooled expression. There is a pinch in Teyla's stomach—an ache that she cannot quell but she is determined to bear it with grace. "We should go," she says, resolving herself to the mission at hand.

* * *

Elizabeth hasn't been to the mainland in sometime now. She misses the gentle breeze here, the quiet, and the people. She misses the sound of children playing just feet away from her. They dip, jump and sway in a circle, laughing and singing some Ancient song that Elizabeth doesn't understand. 

Elizabeth smiles lightly at the kids, but they are too lost in their dance to notice. She is surprised to find that Jinto is not in their number. Instead he sits on a rock, his back stiff, looking out onto the shore.

"Why are you not playing with the other kids?" she asks, taking the rock next to his own.

"I have not played for a cycle, Dr. Weir, nor do I think I ever will again." He gives a large, angst-filled sigh and Elizabeth recognizes the teenage side of him rising to the surface—and maybe it's more than that as well. He has lived a whole life with the Wraith and then there were recent events…

"That is unfortunate."

"No. What is unfortunate is what my _father_, soon to be leader of the Athosian council, is doing to Teyla. It isn't right."

"I thought Teyla was the Athosian council leader?"

"Exactly as I said." His brown eyes turn to hers, and Elizabeth wishes she didn't understand his meaning.

"A lot has changed in our time on this planet," Jinto says when she does not reply. "I think my father is afraid."

"Halling is a strong man, Jinto."

"He is a fool."

Jinto picks up a rock. Elizabeth ponders how politics are the same everywhere as she watches him toss the stone onto the water's edge. It skips three times before sinking beneath the surface

* * *

Halling raises his arms into the air, blessing Teyla as the new Athosian ambassador to the Lanteans. Carson stands by her side during the ceremony, taking everything in with a sad expression. When all is official, and Halling is blessed by another as the new head of the Athosian council, Carson and Elizabeth follow Teyla toward the woods. She's enchanting in that dress, but it's dimmed by the circumstances. Instead, he concentrates on her sorrow, taking some of her hurt upon himself just as he always does. 

"What was that back there? Why didn't you tell us that this was…"

"Because you would have tried to stop it. To argue on my behalf."

"Aye. You bet we would have. You've been one of the best leaders to your people since…"

"I have not been there for my people on far too many occasions. I appreciate your concern, but this is what they collectively wish, and I do not believe they are wrong. The Council leader was always to be there among the people, not off in the stars fighting a hopeless cause."

Teyla's never been one to look defenseless, but she does anyway as she slides to the ground. She grinds sand within her hand, watching as the sunsets.

"It's not a hopeless cause, Teyla," Elizabeth responds, taking a few steps forward. "You know that."

"But they do not. The Wraith are a way of life to us, not something that we have ever had control over. They appreciate what I am doing, but they are right, I cannot be both leader and warrior to them. It is not fair to my people."

She tosses the sand from her hand, her arms trembling. Carson has not seen her like this since her mentor's death. Unsure what to say, he puts a hand on her shoulder, steadying her shaking body. He is surprised when he sees a single tear drop make its way down her pale cheek.

Halling is different. Much of the gentleness in his eyes has drifted away. Elizabeth knows that change has been a long time coming, so she faces the new leader with a diplomat's smile, taking her tea with a nod.

"There were some things you wanted to discuss?"

"Yes." He avoids her gaze at first, before taking his own seat. "First, I must thank you for joining in the ceremony. Without your presence, there were many who would not have accepted the change."

"It was Teyla's wish that I be there." She offers him no other answer, refusing to admit what her presence had said so loudly.

He nods himself. "Our people have been allies for three years now. You have provided medical care and hope in areas where before we had had none, for this we are grateful."

"But…" Because she knows there is always a _but_.

"My son's friend, Wex, was badly injured in the incident. Even with all the help your people provided, he still died."

Elizabeth sips from the tea, her gaze never leaving Halling's. She does not have to ask of which incident he speaks. She is just surprised it has taken this long to see the after effects. "We can't save everyone."

"No, and neither can we." He does not avoid her stare this time, holding his own with the same strength of will she has seem from him many times before.

"You do what you can."

"Yes, yes we do." He is silent, waiting for her to address the conversation, but she will say nothing until he says it aloud.

She will not hold his hand on this one but that doesn't mean that she can't push. "Please, Halling, our times are valuable and I am anxious to see to Teyla. Say what it is that you have asked me here for."

He nods, placing his cup on the wooden table and coming to his feet. He paces some before facing her once again. "The incident to which I was referring, as I'm sure you all ready know, it was one of those refugees you sent us. We have been happy to take them in until now, knowing what it is like to become displaced, but with each that we add we must not only feed, but trust because you have trusted them."

"You always knew there was a danger to it."

"Yes, but as that danger became palpable my people became more attuned to it. I fear that for the safety of my people that we can no longer allow so many to continue to join our number. I am sure that you understand."

"I understand that one man became insane and hurt your people, but I also understand that such things can happen even if you just kept among yourselves."

"Perhaps, but this case was clear and that is what I have to go by."

Halling takes a seat again, and Elizabeth quells the silent anger bustling in her stomach. She stares at him, knowing that he is serious, and there is little she can do to change this order.

"Where would you have us send them, Halling?"

"That is no longer my concern. Teyla says you have an Alpha Site, perhaps that would be best."

"And this is why you removed Teyla from her position on the council. Not because she is not here, but because you knew…"

"I did—we did—what we believed was necessary, Dr. Weir. There are those of us who fear well enough living on the Ancestors' land. We have watched as Teyla continues to fight in your number at the expense of our needs. Do not mistake this one situation for all of them."

"Or is it you that is mistaken, Halling? Don't forget that is it is our charity that allows you here in the first place."

Halling looks to his folded arms, taking a deep breath as he does so. "A kindness that we appreciate and are grateful for. However, our decision still stands, even if we must relocate to have this wish honored."

Elizabeth takes a breath as well and then mocks drinking from her tea. "We can discuss this further at a later time." She exits half-tempted to call his bluff, but distracted by other matters. Under her breath, she whispers, "Your son is right, Halling. You are a fool."

* * *

It is well into the evening when Teyla arrives back on Atlantis. John, Rodney, and Ronon are all waiting for her when she exits the Jumper. She is angry and hurt, but somehow their presence helps her suppress the terrible feelings. 

"You're in a dress!" Rodney snorts when she exits. He backs away when she glares in response.

The boyish grin on John's face hides itself just as quickly. He turns serious, leaning causally against the doorway. "Everything go okay?"

"I should bloody well say not!" Carson says while exiting the jumper. His face is red with anger. He has been furious since the ceremony. Teyla also finds some comfort in this, though she puts her hand on his shoulder to silence him.

"What happened?" John is all business, stepping forward with Rodney and Ronon by his side. They all look ready to defend her although they can't possibly know against what.

"Nothing important." Teyla smiles. She glances at Elizabeth and Carson as though challenging them to say different.

"Right, because Carson becomes indignant over small things, right?" Rodney crosses his arms with a knowing expression, unaware that John has done the same right beside him.

"Please, let us speak no more of it?" She fears another tear might fall from her cheek, but is glad that no moisture has made any appearance, yet. It is not that she is afraid to show emotion, but she is afraid of breaking—of becoming weak.

"Movie night then?" Ronon asks.

Teyla nods. "That sounds wonderful. I assume someone has made popcorn?"

"It's Sheppard's turn, I believe. I'll bring the movie."

"No you won't!"

"Why not? It's my turn."

"According to you, it's been your turn for the last six times."

"That is so not true Colonel All-I-want-to-watch-is-Mission-Impossible-over-and-over."

She follows them to the entertainment room, finding refuge from her own thoughts by listening to them banter. She forces herself to wear a light smile, wondering if maybe she is wrong—if maybe this is her only home, now.

** The End**


End file.
